How To Stop Feeding Fears That Paralyze Your Business
When you decide to get serious about growing your business (focusing on a higher price point, doubling sales or “adding a zero” to the end of your income, for example), the first thing you notice is that you slam up hard against the forces of insecurity, self-doubt and limiting beliefs.
Sometimes these forces cause you to run the other way and abandon your plans, but more often than not they just cause you to stand still, doing nothing and generally feeling terrible about yourself.
I can relate. I’ve had to push past a whole lot of “stuff” over the last 18 months to get where I am, and I’m slamming up against a lot more resistance as I make plans to “add a zero” to my sales over then next 12 months.
Part of me says “Face it, man, you just can’t do this.” But the rest of me is saying “Screw that – let’s make it happen.”
Which one is right? It depends. It’s like the old story about the tribal chief telling the children of the tribe that each of us has two wolves in our hearts, always fighting against each other to control us; one good and the other evil.
The children ask, “Which wolf will win?” The chief replies “Whichever one you feed the most.”
I realize that over the past few days I’ve been feeding the wrong wolf, and it’s been holding me back. (And by “wrong” I don’t mean “evil” – in this case it’s the “brave wolf” and the “fearful wolf.”)
Fortunately, friends like Andrea J. Lee, Clay Collins, Naomi Dunford, James Chartrand, Johnny B. Truant, Charlie Gilkey, Jade Craven and others are always there to kick some sense into me. So I’m feeding the right wolf, and thinking more clearly about what I can do instead of what I’m afraid of.
‘Cause we’re all afraid, and it hurts. Life is pain. Anyone telling you otherwise is trying to sell you something. (5 points to anyone who catches that movie quote.)
But I also know that we don’t have to stay afraid. We don’t have to keep feeding the wrong wolf. But if we don’t have a team of people kicking some sense into us regularly, it’s easy to forget that.
So I’ve put together a list of things you can remind yourself of when the wrong wolf is getting fed. Take what you need, and add your own wisdom at the end.
This isn’t an exhaustive list, it’s what I have at the moment. Please add your own ideas in the comments, and I’ll pop back to this post every so often and add them to the main body. 
Let’s dive in. Your “good wolf” is hungry.
When you’re afraid that no one will want to pay for what you’re offering:
Remember that people pay for outcomes and value. Fall back and focus on what you do for people and how it makes their lives better. Focus on people you’ve helped in the past. Make a list of the ways you’ve added value, and keep it in front of you. Remind yourself you have something worth paying for.
Don’t focus on you, and your image, and what people might think of you. Broadcast your results, and let that do the selling.
When you’re afraid that you won’t be able to sustain revenue over time:
Realize that all revenue ebbs and flows. Start putting money into a “cash cushion” that will support you in dry times. If you have no money to spare, start with $5 a month. You can abstain from one fast food purchase or impulse buy to make that happen, it’s not that painful. Then stretch it to $10 next month, and so on. The act of starting will motivate you to increase that number each month, even though it’s not nearly enough. It’s a start.
Then decide you’re going to skim some of your revenue into savings. Pretend it’s not there. The first 5% of what you make always goes into savings. Again, nothing terribly painful – just something conscious.
Then begin diversifying income streams. Find new ways to make money. If you’re a consultant, make a product. If you’re a product producer, do some consulting. Pick up multiple income streams so that you’re not high and dry (and better yet – decide that one income stream will go straight into savings).
You do not want to be in the spot where you’re making crazy decisions because cash is tight. Act now to create a cushion. Something is better than nothing.
When you’re afraid that growth means losing what you’ve already built up:
This is common, and I’m feeling it right now. Don’t burn your bridges with your core revenue base when you grow Instead, treat the growth part of your business as a separate project, and let it evolve. I’m shifting to a radically hgher price point with my offerings, but I’m not taking away the more affordable offerings in my business. They’ll be there even if I’m not focusing on them.
Instead of being focused on the fear of growth and losing what you have, focus on how you can turn growth into a positive event for your existing customer base. How can growth strategies let you serve them better? How can you make existing customers part of the evolution? Include them, and let your new stuff layer on like icing on the cake.
When you’re afraid that success means you’ll be held to a higher standard at all times (and that you might fail):
You will. End of story. As you become more successful, people expect more perfection from you. Tell yourself that you’re going to do your best, and leverage the resources that success gives you to play a bigger game.
And also realize that you will mess up, you will embarrass yourself in front of people, and you will make public and grievous errors. But none of that’s permanent. You dont’ have to let it kill you.
When you make mistakes, be human about it. Admit it to your audience, do what you can to fix it, and move on. Everybody fails.
Don’t set yourself up as a “perfect” person – be real – and your audience will understand when, like them, you blow it once in a while. That is, as long as you do what you can to make it right.
When you’re afraid that you can’t sustain your “A-Game” every day of the week:
Don’t even try. Realize that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue. Don’t set yourself up to be a hero every day. Structure your business so that you have room to breathe, rest and recuperate. Easier said than done, but that’s no excuse to avoid doing it.
I’m dealing with that now. I’ve set myself up for a crazy burst of content creation – two blogs, two newsletters, a workshop a month, interviews, launches, holy crap, I can’t sustain that forever. I’m taking most of January off, once I get through the rest of the year. And then I’m taking it in a more sane level, by asking questions like these:
What can I cut out of my business that’s not essential to satisfying my customers? What customers do I need to focus on to bring in the extra profits that will let me have breathing room (and which customers do I need to shift away from)? Do I need to reduce the frequency of what I’m doing (like when James went from posting every day to posting once a week)? Do I need to change my business model to support more downtime?
Downtime isn’t bad. It’s necessary. Screw what workaholics tell you. Workaholism is a disease. Treat it.
Easier said than done. But what can you do right now to do something to help you breathe easier? Rest time is critical to playing that “A-Game.”
(P.S. – People hate when others seem to have their A-Game on all the time. They know it’s not real, or they’re just jealous. I know I am when I see it.)
When you’re afraid that you won’t have the time to balance your life (family, health, etc.) with business:
This is where you need to look at your business model. Are you chasing a business model that guarantees overwork? If so, then you probably need to niche down, specialize, and increase your prices. It’s hard work, but worth it.
The first thing you need to do when this fear hits is decide to be a “selfaholic” – it’s the opposite of a workaholic who serves business first, and fits in other things. Decide you’re going to fit in other things, and let business have to suffer for it.
Counter-intuitive, but it works. When you decide you’re going to make time for the things that are important to you, and fit business in on the side, you change your entire work ethic. No more telling your kids, “I can’t make the soccer game, I have a meeting.”
You change the equation so that you schedule in the game first, and then make your business fit in around that. Remind yourself you don’t have to be a slave to your business. You have power.
When your family member is sick, you juggle your work schedule around for that. When your car has a flat, you juggle your schedule around that. When something comes before work, you always find a way to make up the work later, right? Why not do that for everything?
This is hard stuff, I’m not going to sugar coat it, but it’s doable. I’m in the throes of it, and it’s hard as hell. I’ve decided that I’m at the gym 2-3 days a week, and I’m doing Taekwondo, and I’m reserving 4pm-8pm for family time. Work has to fit in around that, not the other way around (like I used to live). I don’t always get it right, but I’m getting there.
It’s hard. Damned hard. I’m working late some nights, but that’s making me more discerning about how I spend my work time. I’m falling behind on some stuff, but that’s making me think harder about how to streamline my business. Decisions I wouldn’t have made if I hadn’t taken this schedule change on.
When you say “I don’t have time,” you sure as hell won’t. But when you schedule important things in first and say “I’ll make the business work regardless,” you enter a painful process of changing the way you look at everything you do, and you can come out the other side all the better.
When you feel this fear, remind yourself you have power. Make one change today, even if it’s ending work earlier (so you have time with the kids) and making up the hour or two after they’re in bed.
You have the power. Use it, even if it’s painful to do so. Sacrifice is the currency you pay to get what you want.
When you’re afraid of failure:
Get used to it. Failure happens, and you can use it to your advantage, every time. Read what I have to say about why failure is tasty stuff.
When you’re afraid of success:
Success is scary – growth means more responsibility. Attention means more scrutiny. Accolades mean a higher standard to live up to.
If you’re afraid you can’t handle the success, instead of sitting there like a deer in the headlights, ask yourself “What can I do to make handling success easier?”
Sounds simplistic, but the bottom line is you’re probably not doing this. You’re focusing on the problem (”Oh crap! What will I do?”) instead of working a solution (”Okay, what can I do?”).
Success can be a shock to your system. Focus on one thing you can do ahead of time to make things less painful. (Hint: Start looking for a VA.)
When you’re afraid that you can’t find a VA you can trust to do things right:
Find someone who has a damned good VA. Ask their VA for references. Let someone else do the vetting for you.
Then tell yourself “surely someone is out there I can trust,” and start out with small stuff.
We’re entrepreneurs, so we’re control freaks. If you want to grow, you have to grow up and tell yourself that outsourcing some stuff is an intelligent risk. Start small. Be willing to fail through a few VAs before you get one right. Or focus on helping the VA you get learn to do a better job. (Guess what? A lot of times it isn’t our VA’s fault for not doing things the way we wanted, it’s our fault for not being specific enough about what we want. Own that responsibility).
Don’t focus on all the people who might not work out. Tell yourself there’s a diamond out there, and you’ll find it.
When you’re afraid that you’ll have to go back to a “real job”:
Sucks, doesn’t it? But guess what, it’s not the end of the world. If your business fails, and you have to go back to a 9-to-5, then that means you just have a steady paycheck coming in to support you so you can build something new on the side.
Remember, very few failures are permanent. People lose their homes, their jobs, their loved ones, and yet they still rebuild their lives. Surely you can do the same with your business.
Going back to a job if the money just isn’t in your current business isn’t failure, it’s a tactical decision. If it happens, it happen. On to round two.
You’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you. Remind yourself of that.
(P.S.: If you work on that cash cushion, you make this fear go away, because you’ll have flexibility and power if your current business fails. Just sayin’)
When you’re afraid that you’re not good enough:
Insecurity doesn’t pay the bills. Read this post, and all the comments. You’re not alone, and you can deal with it.
When you’re afraid of whether you can really be *the* leader / go-to person for your niche:
Leaders take action. If you want to be the leader, don’t worry that you’ll never get people to take you seriously or that some competitor will always be better than you are.
Take action. Focus on helping people. Focus on doing something innovative that the current “leaders” aren’t doing. Stand up for yourself. Remind yourself of the people you’re helping. Continue helping them. Provide resources people can use, and get your existing audience to spread the word every day.
That’s what a leader does – it’s not about having followers, it’s about having people inspired to grow, learn and take action because of you.
Lead with value. Never stop communicating that value. Then people will go to you for all the right reasons.
When you’re afraid that you’ll get bored and give up:
When you’re bored, it’s rarely because there’s nothing interesting to do – it’s that you’ve told yourself there’s nothing interesting left to do.
The solution here is to do two things: first, remind yourself of your most exciting times in your business. What was exciting? What made you feel good? Focus on what triggered those feelings and see if you can recreate them again, instead of taking them for granted (oh yeah, gratefulness is key here – you can’t take your success/accomplishments for granted).
After you do that, quit pre-supposing that there’s nothing interesting left. Ask yourself the leading question, “What are three things I haven’t done in this field yet that would be really exciting?” Tell yourself that there’s an answer and your brain will search frantically for it. Look at other industries for the “chocolate and peanut butter,” as Andre J. Lee puts it, the ways that you can combine two things that haven’t been done before to make it more exciting.
Above all, tell yourself the answer is there, and take responsibility for finding it. Mom was right. If you’re bored, just find something to do, damn it.
(Note: Mom didn’t really say “damn it.” But she was thinking it)
When you’re afraid that committing to one business idea will make you miss out on other things:
Commitment is hard. This is where you have to ask yourself what you really want, because the reality of opportunity costs is that you really do have to trade off on opportunity for another. I fyou look at what you’re working on and say “Hell yes,” then you know that’s worth missing out on the other opportunity for.
But if you’re not sure, you can mitigate the fear by setting boundaries. Tell yourself you’ll pursue this thing 100% for X amount of time and then re-evaluate whether you need to switch gears. Set up specific criteria for what you want to get of the experience so you can realistically judge whether it’s worth it (and if you can’t figure out how to quantify if it’s “worth it,” maybe that’s a sign you’re chasing the wrong thing). If you give 100% for 6 months, you’ll uncover a lot of data on whether this is really what you want to do.
You’re not marrying your business, you can change things when you want to (which isn’t always easy, but it’s still possible.). See if there’s a way you can set up one business to support the shift to another, if they’re related. If not, there’s no shame in switching gears (like with college majors!) and at least you’ve had the experience of trying.
Remind yourself that it’s all about the experience. Is it worth trying A for B instead of now? You’ll only know if you set specific criteria for what you really want out of it. The more clear you get about what you’re truly after, the better you’ll feel about your decision. Usually fear comes from the fact we havven’t identifies what we really want, so we stay uncertain and anxious. Get clarity.
When you’re afraid that you’re going to waste your precious days on stuff that’s irrelevant:
Ask yourself if you’ve really defined what’s relevant. As in, in writing. Most people don’t, so they respond to urgencies or what they “think” they want. Guilty as charged in a lot of cases.
Get crazy specific on what you want and why you want it. Then schedule that in and make your business fit around it. Hard? Yes. Scary? Yes?
But how else are you going to get around this fear? Clarify what you truly want and then track your actions. Then the worry shrinks.
When you’re afraid that you’ll lose what you’ve already achieved:
Realize that plenty of (now) successful people have. Fortune favors the bold, but it also ebbs and flows. You may lose everything. But if you’re an achiever, it will be easier to get it bak the second time around because you’ll have the learning curve already taken care of.
Ask yourself why you’re afraid of this – maybe there’s some personal stuff you’re ignoring that you need to deal with. Just like your body uses pain to warn you that you’re doing something dangerous (like touching something red-hot), your brain uses fear to warn you that you may be setting yourself up for pain.
Sometimes this is valid (as in, you have stuff you need to deal with), sometimes it’s not, it’s just resistance and lingering fear. Either way, ask yourself why you’re afraid of losing your success? What’s the root? What “reasons” support that fear?
Focus on that, and then you have something to work with.
When you’re afraid that there’s an “upper limit” to what you can achieve:
Marie Forleo was just talking about this. When you believe that you “deserve” to be at a certain level, you’ll stay there and actively resist (even if subconsciously) moving past it.
The simplest solution to this is to hang with people who have already pushed past that “upper limit.” They’ll help you realize that you can, too.
Ask yourself how much of your time you’re investing in relationships that challenge you to grow. Chances are, you could stand some more. You live up to the expectations of your immediate peer group.
When you’re afraid of looking stupid, sounding stupid, (or being stupid):
Suck it up. Walk it off. Realize that if you want to play a bigger game, you’re going to need to risk falling on your face. I say stupid stuff all the time, but that’s because I talk a lot, and chances are I’ll say more smart stuff than stupid stuff.
We all look stupid at times. It’s how you handle yourself afterwards that matters. Like the song says, “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.”
When I’m afraid I’ll look stupid, I ask myself “So what? Is this going to matter a year from now?”
If you’re good to your audience, it won’t. They’ll forget it soon enough. Keep adding value, and the stupid stuff will be forgotten.
When you’re afraid that you can’t do any of this stuff because you’re not strong enough:
Bullshit. That’s just bullshit. You’ve done tough stuff before, you can do this too. Stop whining to yourself about why you can’t, and take some damned action already. Or I’ll call Jon Morrow’s mom to come and kick your ass.
Yes, all this is easier said than done. But that doesn’t excuse you from doing it. This is painful stuff. But if you’re willing to take some temporary pain, you’ll end up stronger on the other side.
3700 words in, and I need a break. Here’s what I want you to do now::
- First, in the comments section below, tell me one fear you have, and what one thing you can do to reduce its power. (I’ll be adding these into this post later to make it longer and more useful.)
- Next, if this post helped you breathe easier, please share it via the retweet button below (or via your social media goodness of choice).
- Finally, if you’re interested in hearing me talk about growing your business, check out the Self-Employment Telesummit with me and a bunch of folks smarter than I am. Early-bird discount ends TODAY (Thursday), so hop on it.
I’ll see you in the comments -
Dave
